school is over

2022-05-14

This post is dedicated to all my friends who have been through the same shit as me, who are there for me, and those whom I loved.

“Happy graduation” this word stings right into my heart, realizing that I’m no more a high school student sucks.

When I was in my freshman year, I used to spend my time at school staring at the trees. While mumbling and visualizing my future in this high school, asking questions like: would this high school-youth thingy be fun? Would I ever find a bunch of friends that I can rely on? Would I ever be a good student? Would I ever find my soulmate? And all those kinds of questions a 15-year-old kid would wonder. As I close my eyes, the wind breeze through the trees to my face, and here I’m graduating high school.

To be honest, I have a really hard time adapting to my new environment. At first, it was really hard to find friends because I was attending a school far away from my previous school. The fact that I was a hikikomori¹ even makes it harder. I get these moments where I feel so lonely that my heart starts to sink and I can’t bring myself up to the surface. I feel lonely and unsupported, all the time.

Eventually, things got a whole lot better. I was selected to become a student council, I joined a lot of club activities, and I got myself a group of friends that I can rely on. Looking back, does my 15-year-old version of me even think I would improve this far? Would he be proud of me right now? I guess the only answer is yes. I mean, there is no better thing than improving yourself to the point you became a different person than people used to know.

I will surely miss these times when I can socialize with the same group of people in the same location for most of the year, with all the ups and downs, arguments, and laughs. I will prolly never experience this kind of school environment again, and it’s okay since I never take for granted these moments. I live in those moments. I’m really grateful for the experiences I had.

The sad thing is; There is a chance that next year I’ll start to forget their names, their faces, and voices in 10, and finally… I’ll forget that they even exist. Nevertheless, trust me, I’ll never forget the memories. I will never forget those people who were there with me when I’m either at rock bottom or at my highest peak. I will be reminiscing all the fun we had together. Thank you for everything, I love you all. Goodbye

While this post and my high school era come to an end, I realized one thing—your relationship with others is what forms you as a person, and that’s what living means to me.

P.S: To anyone who is still in school, my only advice is to enjoy every ounce moment of it. No need to rush, you’ll start to see and appreciate things when you’re slowing down. Good luck to all of you!