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the guilt is killing me

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hello, endra. the guilt is killing me. everynight - or maybe every moment that i had the opportunity to think - i would think to end myself. actually, i exaggerated a bit, because maybe i wouldnt do that, especially when i will leave so many responsibilities around. but i think of doing that once or thrice.

i am a horrible person. will i ever get better? ive been doing shit like this since highschool. i know i will. soon. but will i? or will the despair catch up to me? all i know, that i need to live my life like this from now on. ive fallen to the deepest part of the ocean, and now you wanna see how far down i can sink? i think you already get the idea of where i would be.

im really sorry for what ive done - my actions and my words. i still love you, - and it seems clear to both of us - but i dont love myself. thank you. thank you for letting me be a part of your journey. i still speak highly of you whenever someone asked, i would never speak bad of you. its really a shame what you and my “friends” did. but whatever, i deserved it. thank you, see you in another life, mio.

without you is how i dissappear.